It has in fact been challenging, moving out here into the wilderness. Most folks I met last Summer and Fall all were surprised, and some worried, that I was intending to winter this remotely, access being what it is. I was not worried. I knew where, how, and with what means I grew up, and I knew what I could and could not manage in regards to cold, weather, access, remoteness, self care and the like; in many ways, I have been practicing for this for decades.
My largest challenge here, the one I walked in with, is mostly contained within the three or so pounds of matter floating about my skull. Within this I carry it all. The successes, the failures, the childishness, the wins, the losses, the gains, the growth, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow.
A year ago today was a landmark day that resulted in my arrival here. I was formulating a plan, working towards a future I thought would sustain me for the rest of my days. A year ago today, that plan shifted. I lost the track I thought I was going to ride into the sunset, the plan I thought would fulfill me for decades, even though it was still a plan in progress.
Sometimes change happens whether we want it to or not. Sometimes change happens because it is good for us, even though we think that it is not. Sometimes change happens and we cannot control it, it seems. We could have, but when some buckets tip over, the years long rising of the grains of sand go from unnoticed to a spilt pile of failure, collected over time. We must pay attention to any place in our lives where we are leaking such grains. Check your buckets, empty them, and surely learn how to patch the holes. Do not let them tip over. Some buckets, when they tip over, shatter.
If one tips and breaks, you will need to start over and build a new plan. That is the lesson for the day. A year in the life that meant this new path is what it is, and the old path, although prevalent in thought and feeling, steeped with pain and loss, must become one that stops getting tended, along with every notion of ever walking upon it again.