Greetings dear reader, (who would you, today, pray tell be)? This site has been idle for thirty months, save for a brief foray into the depth of a single man’s loss, subsequently revoked. I will not publicly declare such resurrection; if this site is to be rediscovered, it will be.
One must get to know their fellow humans, and examine the depth of one’s own ability to truly connect with another. A skill, it readily turned out, I did not possess. Even when prompted by a confidante, one’s own shortcomings can often be the barrier to true understanding of one’s impact upon another. Loyalty belongs first and foremost to Self.
Pain does funny things to a man. When he loses the ability to tend or fend for himself amidst this remote wilderness, and then loses his daily canine companion of thirteen years, the spirit gets selfish. One wants to protect what they have. To share, vent, and express their pain. Sometimes the manner of exultation is seemingly too challenging. Sometimes, they simply are wrong, but pain blocks the circuitry. Loss requires grace.
As such, we can make unhealthy choices. Reconnect with unhealthy people. Engage in unhealthy behaviors. Allow oneself to surrender to one’s own demons and fears. It is not a pretty sight. It is internal weakness, nothing more, but it is not a pretty sight.
The depth of change from my first two years in the Ranch, to this new shift of quieter, peace centered, non alcohol-fueled-trauma-bonded relationships? The value of the shift is becoming more meaningful and profound. This path is why I chose to experience the Ranch in the first place. This journey is about self discovery, balance, harmony with my environment, and discovering my true center.
I will continue this walk, with a new series of adventures. For now at least, wintering upon this mountain is done. Full time jobs are done. The career of a man, now fading away from technology, can change self reflection. It is time to embark upon such childish things as exploration, newness, fresh perspectives. Continuing time with nature, the real world. I am surprised as you to find my fingers upon this site.
Growth. Discovery. Change.
My apologies to all I have wronged; men in pain can make desperate choices. I am making amends as the universe allows. I will not speak of such here again. It was what it was. Year five here has fully begun. It too, shall be what it shall be.
My old dog has been in the ground for twenty five months now. Be gracious with yourself, and yours, whilst still above ground. Twenty five months – longer separated from those than the time I knew them. I thank you all. This shift would not be occurring without the losses.
Be gracious. This is a precious ride we are upon.
